Monday, March 10, 2014

an update.

I have had a lot of wonderful people asking me for an update, or inquire what it is that is going on with me during this pregnancy. First off, thank you for your love, support and prayers. It is felt and means more to me than I am able to express. I've avoided posting too much, because I wanted to avoid it coming off as complaining. I have decided to give what explanation I can via blog so I can answer everyone though. This may be a long(ish) post, I'm going to write it quick and my thoughts feel scattered so be patient with any errors.

As you all know, I am pregnant with baby boy #2. Much like when I was pregnant with Liam, I have been sick from the very beginning. I have suffered with hyperemesis gravidarum with both boys now. Hyperemesis (or HG) is like morning sickness times 100. Constant nausea, dizziness, vomiting and severe exhaustion because of those things. Most days I wake up feeling like I have the worst hangover ever and then went on the wild mouse 14 times on the hottest day in July. It has been a struggle. With my first pregnancy I still had good hours, that turned into good days. Unfortunately with this pregnancy, I have had a much harder time thus far. I feel like I am trapped inside a body that seems to be failing me. A body that makes it near impossible to be a mother, a wife and a contributing member of society. A body that has made me wish I were able to be laying in a hospital bed somewhere, sedated. A body that makes me feel isolated from everyone, myself especially.  This is hyperemesis gravidarum. I have been unable to drive since mid December, can't care for Liam, swallow throw up to keep any calories, have had to rely on IV hydration 2-3 times a week for dehydration and can barely bathe myself. I am down a little over 20 pounds and am trying so hard not to lose anymore- I am barely avoiding a feeding tube. My body is so weak and drained (both from this pregnancy and from my pregnancy with Liam not so long ago), that I require 24/7 care. Since finding out I was pregnant I have been taking zofran to help control my nausea even a little bit. This is the same medicine I used while pregnant with Liam (for about 27 weeks). It took me from throwing up 15 times a day to around 4 or 5. I knew that the zofran had some side effects: increased dizziness, horrific migraines, constipation and it put me in even more of a haze. I decided to grin and bear it in order to keep some nutrients down for both me and Baby A. The pros outweighed the cons. Until about two weeks ago...

I woke up from my usual afternoon nap at my Mom's, and was going upstairs to take some Tylenol to help my headache. I felt dizzy, which isn't abnormal, but while going up the stairs blacked out and took a tumble. My sister heard a loud crash and found me unconscious at the bottom of the stairs. Later that night we decided I needed to go to the hospital (AGAIN!), I was even more dizzy than usual, had a headache and I've been told I wasn't making a whole lot of sense. At the hospital we ran all of the same old tests and they determined I had a minor concussion. Last minute, the doctor wanted an EKG done. After waiting for those results they came in and said they found a Long QT and that I needed to go off of my zofran immediately and contact my OBGYN the next day. They stressed that over and over again. I didn't know anything about a long qt, but have since learned that there are two types: the type you are born with, and the type that medicine can cause. Zofran can be a long qt inducing medicine. Basically my heart now takes longer to recharge it's next beat- that is the extremely short explanation. We don't have a lot of information on how severe this long qt of mine is, what the treatment plan is or much of anything. My OBGYN called in a holter monitor request to a cardiologist and I wore that for 24 hours. Results are still pending. From what I've read (which can be scary if you read too much), about 10% of these reverse themselves. I'm trying to stay optimistic that I can be part of that 10%.

The latest struggle is that without my zofran, my nausea and vomiting are back full force. I don't feel 19 weeks pregnant, but more like 9. I am trying so hard to not only stay strong physically in anyway, but emotionally and mentally. Living between my parent's and Spencer's parent's has been taxing- I go from couch to couch, afraid of my next meal. I feel like a fragment of myself. I can't do very normal things like walk down stairs unassisted, shower, hold my son, make my husband lunch. With that said, I am trying not to feel guilty and embarrassed, but remember how grateful and blessed I am that Spencer and I have such amazing families who have changed their day to day routines to help us get through this. Liam is a lucky guy to have the grandparents and aunts and uncles that he does.

Once again, thank you so much for your love, concern and prayers. I am praying that the next 21 weeks are easier than the first 19 have been. Regardless, come August 4 (at the latest) our sweet Baby A will be here and that is such an enormous blessing- tough pregnancy and all. As we find out anything further, I'll try to give updates.

All of my love,

Caroline

Ps: Yes, we are done having kids after baby A is here. (I get asked that a lot!)

PPS: some good ole googled explanations-

HG: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperemesis_gravidarum
http://m.today.com/health/hyperemesis-gravidarum-you-just-feel-youre-dying-1C7397002

Long QT: http://www.bostonscientific.com/lifebeat-online/heart-smart/long-qt.html

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